I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
