I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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