i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
