So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
