I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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