y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
