I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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