with your own penis?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
