I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
