I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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