It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Panties = found
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
