I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize