his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
