I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
