fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
