Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
