I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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