lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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