we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
