I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
