Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
