Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
