look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
