I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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