I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
