People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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