I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
