the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
