everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
