You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
