Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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