I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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