Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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