Your tits are I can't wait for
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
