when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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