I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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