I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
