im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
