so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
