I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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