1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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