It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
