Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
