I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
