If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
