the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
