Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I fill condoms, not promises.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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