Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She's the barista slut.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
