Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
