Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
